chingay was an absolute blast!!seriously! it was so fun,although i was kinda dreading it at first, but though the public were pretty rude n unreasonable n had no respect for us cos they thought of us as mere teenagers,the later part more than made up for it. it also helped I was grouped with nad and azie n other ppl that kept on making me laugh,so it was great =)) plus i also realised how close minded ive been about ppl;i kept on being all mellow n contemplative abt how many ppl and were all unreasonable n retarded heads,and after going for chingay,i realised that those were only the MJ PEOPLE. seriosly,non-jc ppl are easier to get along with n have lesser hidden agendas n they're basically out to haf a gd time.so no matter how much i dun like ppl,its okay,there's a whole big world out dere! =)
on a much more sadder note,well..grandpa hasnt been doing too well the past wk.like since 2 yrs back he's started deteriorating.lost his fiery temper,slowly lost his alertness,just a passive old man,bedridden too.we thought he might have passed on then,seeing how much fast he deteriorated,but he defied all the odds,surviving his bday,den christmas,den his bday and AGAIN christmas,but that's him,he's so determined!or it could be he's afraid of death... he got another stroke,like his third since 14 years ago. He's kinda lost control of his mouth area,so he can't swallow.so we're the doctors say we have a choice,bring him to the hospital they'll insert tubes to feed him,or we can leave him at home and just feed him fluids,a little at the time.but he's always hated tubes n all,he rips them off each time they insert them.aunty maureen n muumy are already preparing themselves in case he passes on.they invited the priest over to the house today.so i guess.. but u noe what the sad thing is?aunty maureen asked us to think of pleasant memories of him,and nothing came.i could rmb all those fights as i got older,i couldnt rmb when i was a younger,it was always papa charlie i cld rmb.. so its probably regret i feel now.never bothering to know him more,sure he was a colourful character,but he treated daddy n mummy great,he gave mummy so many opportunities to do well,always taking care of her n providing her.he helped daddy get jobs,driving him to interviews even when he had no obligation to.n he n daddy even used to sneak out of the house together just cos they wanted to smoke.i cld just imagine them,so cute =) and its true he always preferred andrea to me.but i never directly felt it.or maybe i was too young..but whatever it is,he's still my grandfather.and without a doubt he loved me,those these days he doesnt even remember any of out names. but he's not wanting to let go.i think he needs someone to tell him,its okay to,that death isn't a horrible thing,but a peaceful transition..imagine living with your Saviour for eternity never having to worry but to just soak in His perfect love,always singing and dancing on the streets of gold,praising His Holy Name. and that it'll be a sweet escape from what he's suffering now,he already has skin cancer,and the doctors think he may have another cancer in his body thats why he's slowly wasting away,n he barely has quality of life. i wana tell him that i love him,but how do i?i hold his hand n he holds it tight,his eyes looking into mine,but i can see he doesn't realli noe me,or does he?i wanna tell him i admire him,admire what he's done for his children,& thank him for passing his love for animals on to mummy who passed it to me so much so i wanna make a career out of it,to be a vet or marine biologist.but how do i say thanks,when i dunno where to start,n we were never close to begin with. ive never realli known him,but i noe i do love him;he is Grandpa. and i rmb once when i was like 9/10 yrs old,after a particularly spectacular fight btwn him n mummy daddy,aunty maureen uncle burt,uncle colin,aunty cynthia, i said,thinking i was realli smart,'when grandpa dies ,i won't shed a tear',n mummy scolded me aft dat,saying she once knew someone(her cousin or aunt)who said that n she lived to regret it.and u noe what,i already am .i wished i never said that.i dun even noe him,half the things he's been thru n yet i was so quick to judge even at a young age.how i wish i never said that.. So Grandpa,there's so many things i feel that i can't put in words.regret,guilt,love,admiration. but u were a great father n given a chance i know u wld have been a greater grandfather if u hadnt gotten the stroke when i was just 2,but hey,I'm still proud i'm ur grandaughter,n no matter what anyone says,I'm proud ur MY Grandpa.
8:17:00 pm
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
okay so far,ive failed a math test,n a chem test n an E for geog. i wrote a poem for the short story competition, its called Diluendo. thanks siminy,kiran,nas,reisha,nad! i'm more in touch with local lit now,im even beginning to prefer them to american books. anyway reading rex shelly's books now,im beginning to realise more on what it means to be eurasian, the complexity n beauty of it. quite cool la =)
10:34:00 pm
riane*
*riane brittany francisco *born on the 1st of july 1989 *eurasian *i believe in Christ *ex-tkgian *4e7'05 *ex-SAJCian of 06S18 *MJC now! 06S302
*loves
~God! ~mr.princess ~dots ~salt ~mr.snowy who has gone home to be with the Lord ~glitter ~pedicures,manicures! ~beautiful beaches ~animals ~friends ~daydreams ~fun
Soul Music*
at the moment the song i'm in love with:
Gwen Stefani- the Sweet Escape
Jimmy Eat World- The Middle
ya i noe this one's old,but its the one keeping me going at the moment =)
you're currently listening to
and i'm lusting after
*that pretty white camera
*a new phone that sony ericsson cyber-shot one
*a room makeover
*a whole new glam wardrobe.
